Full Story: Interviewing Raven
by fanaticwr1t3r
Summary: Many many chapters of Raven-y goodness. From her deadbeat sarcasm, to her awesome rants, to her undeniably right statements... this has it all, folks. So prepare to split your sides in laughter! Raven: Literally? -cough cough-
1. Chapter 1

Hello, folks, and we're back AGAIN with Raven from the Teen Titans.

Interviewer: So, Raven, how are you today?

Raven: About to fall asleep.

Interviewer: Why?

Raven: I stayed up all night…

Interviewer: … I know I'm starting to sound repetitive, but, why?

Raven: Because I didn't feel like sleep.

Interviewer: … Raven, I bet you're the only person in the world that could POSSIBLE not 'feel' like sleeping… without drinking coffee or playing massive amounts of video games.

Raven: Awesome… not really.

Interviewer: So, I've been writing a lot of fan fiction lately… and… I just went to supporting the BB/Terra pairing… to supported you and BB as a couple… Your thoughts are…?

Raven: Everyone's entitled to their own opinion, but honestly, I don't care what couples in the series you support.

Raven: I'm just a deadbeat sarcastic 'goth' that is here just to give the series some unintended humor.

Raven: That was sarcasm, by the way.

Interviewer: Oh… you're so confusing.

Raven: Thanks?

Interviewer: Alrighty then… do you have any feelings for any of the Teen Titans? Robin, Beast Boy… hate to say it… but… Cyborg?

Raven: No, won't say, and no.

Interviewer: Ooooh, Raven, you won't say if you have any feelings for Beast Boy?

Raven: No, it's not that. I just know Robin is an absolute no, and I wouldn't be caught dead dating Cyborg.

Interviewer: Ouch.

Raven: What? Robin is with Starfire now.

Interviewer: No, I meant the part about Cyborg.

Raven: Oh, poor him.

Raven: .. Sarcasm.

Interviewer: So, Raven, how was your year?

Raven: Same as always.

Raven: Surfing websites, getting disturbed at Rob/Rae videos on YouTube and having biased arguments with the makers… listening to depressing music… and having to deal with Starfire bugging me about getting on all my Instant Messengers more often so she can introduce me to every one of her friends…

Raven: And she'll actually introduce me to them twice, forgetting I've even met them.

Interviewer: Really?

Raven: Right. She sent me a snapshot of her MSN buddy list.

Raven: She has 200 friends. I have less than 20.

Interviewer: Haha, that sounds accurate.

Raven: And she had 90 online that day… and 19 windows open at a time… and she was having active conversations with ALL of them.

Interviewer: Wow. How does she manage talking and listening to 19 people at once?

Raven: I have no clue.

Interviewer: Anyway… you don't like the Robin/Raven pairing?

Raven: I'm disgusted by it… but I still try to respect the opinions of those who support it…

Raven: Except for the retards that turn Robin and Starfire's kiss in the Tokyo movie into a Rob/Rae kiss as if it'll de-canonize them in an instant.

Interviewer: SPOILER! SPOILER!

Raven: What? If you want to talk about car parts, interview Cyborg.

Interviewer: No, not THAT spoiler. Do I seriously have to explain the concept of a 'movie spoiler' to you?

Raven: Oh. I forget, I must of needed to wave my arms like a retard and scream 'SPOILER' before saying that.

Raven: My bad.

Interviewer: Right. Oh, and lots of people insult the Teen Titans animated series for imitating Japanese Anime styles… what do you think?

Raven: I know this next thing I say is going to be contradiction at it's best… but I don't care.

Raven: Honestly, when I watch the episodes… every time a Japanese chibi thing or Anime-styled deformation of people comes in the middle of a serious scene… I wanted to throw up.

Raven: If the series is made in America, then why does it look like it just got shipped in a crate from Japan?

Raven: Oh, and I just realized… the 'vacation' takes place in Tokyo, Japan.

Raven: Maybe that's why the whole series was mixed with Anime… because cartoons never place themselves in Japan.

Interviewer: Wow, I never looked at it that way before.

Raven: … This is totally lame. I just said I was sickened by the art style of the most ACCURATE rendition of us.

Interviewer: Us?

Raven: Oops. I mean, THE TEEN TITANS.

Raven: 'Us' made a lot more sense.

Interviewer: Neither really did.

Raven: True. But… actually, I have another subject to get to. The 1950's comic books.

Raven: They put appeal over realness obviously… to make that cash.

Raven: Seriously… Robin is wearing green underwear over his black tights and looks like Dick Van Dyke… and his first name is 'Dick'… one of the most popular names of the 1950s.

Raven: Starfire is hopped up on alien steroids, has a past story that gives her two ex-husbands and a career as an 'alien supermodel', and looks like they turned her shirt into parachute straps.

Interviewer: Hahaha…

Raven: I look like that the comic book creators wanted to reach out to the ever-growing emo and gothic population… and at the same time show off the previously unnoticed sexism.

Interviewer: Whoa.

Raven: Beast Boy… again… looks like a Dick Van Dyke clone… with that square chin. And also the way they drew him… it looks like they got the idea for his appearance from the X-Men comics.

Interviewer: Oh. Hmm…

Raven: And Cyborg looks like an android version of Barry Bonds… on tons of steroids.

Interviewer: Heh…

Raven: And the storylines were formed as if they just put the next thing that came into their minds on paper as a storyboard, and somehow made it related.

Raven: Oh, and if they weren't trying to make Starfire the comic's 'sex symbol' enough with the stripper outfit and the huge long hair and the incredibly huge muscles… for a 'Teen' Titan, that is…

Raven: They made her name Koriand'r. And by the way… Coriander is a spice. A SPICE.

Raven: So basically they wanted her name to sound spicy.

Raven: I bet their version of Tamaran was full of huge muscle-filled women with incredibly small straps for clothing, and a huge utopia that could make the Jetsons feel out of date.

Interviewer: Ok, seriously… we're out of time. It's past midnight, Raven. Mr. Interviewer has to go to sleep.

Raven: Fine, I expected another interviewer soon… and for the sake of all the reader's sanities…

Raven: PUT THE NEXT ONE AS AN ADDITION CHAPTER. Okay?

Interviewer: Got it.

Raven: Good. Bye then.

Interviewer: Bye.

--

Author's notes: Wow… I don't know if I had a conversation with the real Raven or not… BUT THAT WAS AWESOME!

And I'll take her advice… next interview is going to be Chapter 2… :)

C'ya next time , FOLKS! :D


	2. Chapter 2

Hello, we're back at 9:45 in the morning with… Raven!

Interviewer: Welcome back.

Raven: Okay.

Interviewer: So, did you actually sleep tonight?

Raven: Yes.

Interviewer: Ok… so, as my first question… how do you feel about your cancellation? And I mean, the cartoon's cancellation.

Raven: I hate it.

Raven: Hopefully people don't forget me and the others THAT easily.

Interviewer: Seriously, I doubt anybody is going to forget your awesomeness, Raven.

Raven: Uh… thanks?

Interviewer: You're welcome.

Raven: Really, I don't care if they forget me or not…

Raven: But don't lie to me just to try and make me feel good.

Interviewer: … What?

Raven: My awesomeness? Come on.

Interviewer: I'm serious.

Interviewer: People think you're awesome… especially your sarcastic remarks.

Raven: Oh… okay then.

Raven: In that case… Starfire put together a bunch of recent 'classic me moments' on MSN… and was trying to find a forum to post them on…

Raven: Can you put them here instead so she'll stop bugging me about places to go?

Interviewer: Sure.

Raven: By the way, these are random snippets of my chats on MSN messenger, so that's why they might seem out of context.

* * *

(5:15 PM) Raven - Blah..: You just NOW found it?

(5:15 PM) Lone: This one is bigger

(5:15 PM) Raven - Blah..: That's because it's grown.

(5:15 PM) Raven - Blah..: Duh.

* * *

(10:42 PM) Anaxion: Lone said I was supposed to be the Smartest person out of all of us.

(10:42 PM) Raven - Blah..: Are you seriously going retarded? This is--

(10:42 PM) Raven - Blah..: ...

(10:42 PM) Raven - Blah..: -cracks up in laughter-

* * *

(10:45 PM) Raven - Blah..: Oh really?

(10:45 PM) Raven - Blah..: You're the smartest one here?

(10:45 PM) Anaxion: ...ya rly.

(10:45 PM) Raven - Blah..: ...

(10:45 PM) Anaxion: -very serious glare-

(10:45 PM) Raven - Blah..: Oh God... What's the new meaning of smart then?

(10:45 PM) Anaxion: -deep stare-

(10:45 PM) Raven - Blah..: We obviously changed it.

* * *

(10:56 PM) Raven - Blah..: ...

(10:56 PM) Anaxion: That has 'Lone' written all over it.

(10:56 PM) Lone: Oh

(10:56 PM) Raven - Blah..: Literally?

(10:56 PM) Anaxion: Nah.

(10:56 PM) Raven - Blah..: -coughsarcasmcough-

(10:56 PM) Raven - Blah..: I knew you'd miss it.

(10:56 PM) Anaxion: ..oh

* * *

(10:58 PM) Raven - Blah..: Why does everything need proof?

(10:58 PM) Anaxion: ...'Evidence is everything.'

(10:58 PM) Anaxion: ...the motto of the Phoenix Wright series.

(10:59 PM) Raven - Blah..: If everyone needed proof before they could believe something(like you), then we'd all be nerds coming up with 9/11 conspiracies with tons of false evidence.

(10:59 PM) Anaxion: ...oh really.

(10:59 PM) Anaxion: There was evidence.

(10:59 PM) Anaxion: 1 piece.

(10:59 PM) Raven - Blah..: ... And damn that Phoenix Wright game you play... it's turned you into a retarded lawyer wanna-be.

(10:59 PM) Raven - Blah..: -imitates you-

(10:59 PM) Raven - Blah..: OBJECTION! -slams fist on desk-

* * *

(8:54 PM) Lone: I should also point out..

(8:55 PM) - Starfire: -holds a point here sign-

(8:55 PM) - Starfire: XD

(8:55 PM) Raven - Blah: Did Starfire just make a correct pun, or am I seeing things?

* * *

(8:55 PM) Lone: Star I saw you on TV

(8:55 PM) - Starfire: o.o

(8:55 PM) - Starfire: When? 0.0

(8:55 PM) Lone: Saturday

(8:55 PM) - Starfire: o.o

(8:55 PM) Lone: during a commercial.

(8:55 PM) - Starfire: On what? o.o

(8:56 PM) - Starfire: What commercial? XD

(8:56 PM) Lone: Idk

(8:56 PM) - Starfire: o.O

(8:56 PM) - Starfire: Umm, can you try not to excite me over you seeing me when you do not know where you saw me?

(8:56 PM) - Starfire: X.x

(8:56 PM) Raven - Blah: Translation…?

* * *

(9:32 PM) Anaxion - Emerge: I was comparing an example of a person with Torrential Authority.

(9:32 PM) Anaxion - Emerge: K?

(9:33 PM) Raven - Blah: Actually...

(9:33 PM) Raven - Blah: You weren't comparing jack shit.

* * *

(9:16 PM) X (/): it didn't give a lot of facts about it

(9:16 PM) X (/): just a lot of prices

(9:16 PM) X (/): Wanna spend 150 per shot?

(9:16 PM) Lone: No

(9:16 PM) Lone: Starfire

(9:16 PM) Lone: kiss me.

(9:16 PM) X (/): Next week, on Bisexual Island...

(9:19 PM) Raven - Blah: Oh shut up.

* * *

(5:40 PM) Flare: Hello

(5:41 PM) - Pure Raven -: ...

(5:41 PM) - Pure Raven -: Hi?

(5:42 PM) Flare: man your ' ...' is like starfire's o.o

(5:42 PM) Flare: :\

(5:42 PM) - Pure Raven -: Uh, not really.

(5:42 PM) Flare: you use it alot

(5:43 PM) - Pure Raven -: Not as much as she uses that.

(5:43 PM) Flare: good point

* * *

(5:07 PM) Anaxion - Emerge: This is baseless conjecture! The point is...he knows of it!

(5:07 PM) Raven - B: You're sucking fupid if you think he doesn't know all the stupid things that cross your mind.

(5:07 PM) Anaxion - Emerge: -slams his arms on his prosecution desk-

(5:08 PM) Raven - B: -chants and lifts your prosecution desk over your head-

(5:08 PM) Raven - B: OVER-RULED!

(5:08 PM) Anaxion - Emerge: ...-.-

* * *

(11:43 PM) - Pure Raven -: Goodnight Anaxion.

(12:23 AM) Anaxion: I can't take all this pain..

(12:23 AM) Anaxion: ..so much pain..

(9:06 AM) (Sleep) - Pure Raven -: I WAS ASLEEP YOU EMO RETARD.

* * *

(11:09 PM) Lone: Raven

(11:09 PM) Lone: I want to do something

(11:09 PM) - Pure Raven -: What?

(11:09 PM) - Pure Raven -: Do what?

(11:09 PM) Lone: -Holds up a cream pie- Can I hit you with this? :D

(11:09 PM) - Pure Raven -: ...

(11:09 PM) - Pure Raven -: Uh...

(11:09 PM) - Pure Raven -: No.

* * *

(5:01 PM) Anaxion - Emerge: Lone said it was because they were jealous of me and Jennifer.  
(5:01 PM) Raven - Blah..: Lone also said pigs fly.  
(5:01 PM) Anaxion - Emerge: ...lie.  
(5:01 PM) Raven - Blah..: Oh, you think?

* * *

(10:48 PM) Anaxion: ...the government has a frequency net around this planet.

(10:48 PM) Raven - Blah..: ...

(10:48 PM) Raven - Blah..: Oh noes, the U.S. Government is after us.

(10:49 PM) Raven - Blah..: Let's put on our tin-foil hats and supress them!

(10:49 PM) Lone: Actually.. they are, Raven.

(10:49 PM) Raven - Blah..: ...

(10:49 PM) Anaxion: Thank you.

(10:49 PM) Lone: I've got proof.

(10:49 PM) Raven - Blah..: Well, that was unexpected...

(10:49 PM) Anaxion: ...haha.

* * *

Raven: So, what do you think?

Interviewer: … … GASP… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA HA HA HA! Phew… THAT WAS AWESOME!

Interviewer: I feel kind of sorry for that 'Anaxion' guy though.

Raven: Right.

Interviewer: Also… I'm going to go ahead and cut it short… because all these logs and stuff just made this chapter awesome in itself…

Interviewer: But one more question.

Raven: Okay.

Interviewer: …

Interviewer: Do you has a cheeseburger?

Raven: … Uh.

Raven: No.

Interviewer: Damn…

Raven: Want a cookie instead?

Interviewer: YEAH!

Raven: Well… too bad.

Raven: I don't have a cookie either.

Interviewer: … I just got owned.

Raven: Well, actually… I could do a lot better if you want me to own you.

Raven: But unless you'd actually LIKE getting humiliated and burned in the middle of your fic, I'm betting you don't want me to.

Interviewer: Bingo.

Raven: Right… so… later today? 3 PM?

Interviewer: You mean another interview?

Raven: Yeah.

Interviewer: Well… I don't know…

Raven: … What?

Raven: I'm actually starting to enjoy doing these.

Raven: … A bit.

Interviewer: Well…

Raven: Why would you make this a chaptered story if it's only going to have 2 interviews?

Interviewer: Okay.

Interviewer: I was just joking with you.

Raven: …

Raven: You way of joking was a little more practical…

Raven: But it was still about as bad as Beast Boy's jokes.

Interviewer: Ow.

Raven: Well then, bye.

Interviewer: Bye. Where are you going?

Raven: …

Raven: Back to sleep, actually.

Raven: So bye.

Interviewer: Heh, lucky… but I guess you don't go to church on Sundays, so blah…

Interviewer: Bye.

* * *

Updated Author's notes: It's now 2:45 PM at the time of writing this (right before I'm about to upload it as the second chapter)… so… moar Raven in 15 minutes! :D


	3. Chapter 3

Wow, we're finally back!

Raven: Finally, you had the time to get back on and interview me again.

Beast Boy: And me too!

Starfire: And me as well!

Interviewer: … THIS IS A RAVEN INTERVIEW

Starfire: But… we must up the excitement so the loyal fans of our show are not to be disappointed!

Beast Boy: Yeah… loyal fans!

Raven: Are you just rooting for whatever she says?

Beast Boy: Definitely! Teen Titans Go! I'm awesome! Fan-girls… call me at… 555…

Raven: BEAST BOY.

Beast Boy: ??

Raven: Shut it.

Beast Boy: Ok

Interviewer: Don't get too wild…

Interviewer: First question is for… Starfire.

Interviewer: What's the best tongue twister you know of?

Starfire: Umm…

Starfire: I am uncertain… I have yet to find some one in the professional of twisting one's tongue

Interviewer: …

Interviewer: What? Oh… you didn't get it…

Interviewer: Next question… Raven.

Interviewer: Do have a secret crush on Beast Boy like many speculate?

Raven: …

Raven: Who's speculating that?

Interviewer: Hundreds of people…

Beast Boy: Yeah, hundreds of people!

Beast Boy: … I'm honestly not paying attention…

Interviewer: Ok… So, Raven, are you going to answer the question?

Raven: … No.

Interviewer: Why not?

Interviewer: Usually nobody really admits their crush…

Interviewer: Especially if they have thousands of adoring fans.

Raven: Mr. Interviewer…

Raven: Shut up.

Interviewer: I'm asking a question.

Interviewer: Do you have a secret crush on Beast Boy?

Interviewer: Yes or no.

Interviewer: If you avoid it, it's automatically a Yes.

Beast Boy: … Wait… a secret crush on-

Beast Boy: WHAT?

Beast Boy:Me?

Beast Boy: …

Beast Boy: Raven, is it true?

Interviewer: Uh…

Raven: … Great… look what you've gotten me into, Mr. Interviewer.

Beast Boy: Raven… you still haven't answered his question

Interviewer: Yeah Raven

Beast Boy: … And I think you should really answer it

Beast Boy: Because I'm suspicious now too

Raven: … I…

Raven: No. I'm not answering a thing.

Starfire: Oh, I am back, friends… and Interviewer! I had to go check and see if Robin is done in his room, for I wish to see him very soon. Ooh, I rhymed!

Interviewer: … Welcome back?

Starfire: Thank you

Raven: Good… we finally got off that subject…

Interviewer: What, did you say something, Raven?

Raven: What? Wasn't me.

Interviewer: Right…

Interviewer: So… let's get back on topic.

Interviewer: Do you have a secret crush on Beast Boy?

Starfire: Who??

Interviewer: Raven

Beast Boy: Raven…

Beast Boy: Please answer that

Raven: … I… can't.

Beast Boy:Why not?

Beast Boy: Is it true?

Raven: … I need to go meditate. NOW.

Beast Boy: Wait Raven

Raven: Ugh… what is it?!

Beast Boy: It's ok… you can be honest

Raven: Honest about what?

Beast Boy: About that question

Raven: … Beast Boy… there's a reason I just can't answer it.

Beast Boy: What's the reason?

Raven: I can't… tell you that either.

Raven: I'm sorry, I have to go

Raven: Now.

Beast Boy: But… Raven…

Starfire: What are we talking about?

Starfire: I am confused…

Beast Boy: …

Beast Boy: I don't know anymore…

Starfire: They both have left…?

Interviewer: Apparently.

Interviewer: Beast Boy took off in the direction of Raven

Interviewer: I smell secks.

Starfire: Eww! You are a sick perverted person to think of such quantities of grossness!

Starfire: Their life is their business, and your mind must not be interfering within their own lives!

Interviewer: What?

Starfire: … I am saying… err… you have no right to make such rude instigations of crude behavior between the two of them! You should feel ashamed

Interviewer: Oh lord…

Interviewer: I have to write this down…

Interviewer: Things that piss Starfire off…

Interviewer: Number one… being a pervert…

Starfire: I shall smack you in the name of X'Hal!

Interviewer: No! Wait! Super slaps hurt!

Starfire: Come back here! Your sick mind deserves a bit of rocking! Come back!!

Interviewer: Stop trying to slap me! You win! You win!

Starfire: Stand still and it will hurt less! The more you run, the less I will be able to aim well, and the more strength I shall put into it!

Interviewer: Ahhhhhh! Somebody help me!

Interviewer: Please, Starfire, have mercy!

Starfire: …

Starfire: Ok… but never be a pervert again!

Interviewer: I won't be! I promise!

Starfire: I know this will most certainly be an… odd time… but…

Interviewer: …

Interviewer: I just got hugged?

Interviewer: Wha?

Starfire: Yes… because I feel bad to have to scare you in such ways…

Interviewer: But… I'm a complete stranger

Starfire: To me, you are a person

Interviewer: Oh… ok… well… nice meeting you

Starfire: Likewise, Sir Interviewer! I shall look forward to seeing you again… and not in the same circumstances!

Starfire: Bye!

Interviewer: Bye…

Interviewer: Okay, they're all gone…

Interviewer: God, that girl is weird…

A/N: Is it just me, or did this just take a bit of a BB/Rae turn? If it did… I swear, it wasn't intentional. It's jut an interview… they came up with the answers. Not my own doing… so if it did take a BB/Rae turn… that's because of the characters, right? Right?

Tune in next time for a new flurry of funny Raven sarcasm and treats! And for a bit of a taste… here's a bit of next week's bonuses, in the form of imaginary chat logs from a Web Messenger.

(5:21 PM) Anaxion: I don't even know what I did.

(5:21 PM) Raven - Blah: ...

(5:22 PM) Raven - BLAH: Another reason you're an imbecile...

(5:22 PM) Raven - BLAH: You know what's funny? Me and Lone almost never agree.

(5:22 PM) Raven - BLAH: Unless it's about you.

(5:22 PM) Anaxion: ...

(5:22 PM) Raven - BLAH: "Oh, Raven, Anax is such a moron"

(5:22 PM) Raven - BLAH: "I agree totally, Lone."

(5:22 PM) Raven - BLAH: "Do you like cheese, Raven?"

(5:22 PM) Raven - BLAH: "NO I HATE CHEESE."

More to come next chapter! C'ya! :D


End file.
